Beauty of a Broken Heart

Having that feeling, isn't it interesting?

You find yourself in crying storms, like it's raining;

Not being allowed to tell the truth about what happened?

Been there, done that, I can't believe it's lasted...

Lying about pain so people don't worry?

Paste a fake smile on your face, feeling sorry?

The ways of love are amazing, yet painful;

You're told words that are manipulative, yet beautiful...

Then it tears you down and you feel so alone;

Sometimes you feel like dying? You're not the only one.

But then it wears down...

Fears start to hit the ground;

Want to give 'love' another shot?

Is your heart mended?...No, it's not.

But believing in love is just a start,

That is the beauty of a broken heart.

april sekstende notat til jamie

The intentions are real

But the truth is untold

Patiently awaiting the lies to unfold

Her heart shatters with the thought of his touch

How could she let him control her this much?

She holds on to a memory of how it used to be

Tempted by hatred, will she always grieve

For that man, just a child inside

He'll always have a pull on her soul

...And a place to reside...

She says that it is over

That is really it this time

Her life is torn apart and

Her heart is in a bind

Patiently waiting for those feelings to fade away

It makes it harder when he crosses her mind everyday

His sarcasm breaks the silence

Her heart follows it to the floor

Her body feels overwhelmed

When he walks through the door

She shouldn't still feel this way

She shouldn't still care

After all those times she needed him

Why wasn't he ever there...

But she is the one who called it off,

So she better stay strong,

The relationship made of glass

As fragile as a porcelain doll,

Was it really meant to last?!

I can't

I just don't want you here anymore
and it is my fault you are back.
You left like I was nothing.
And it is my fault you are back.
I can't. I can't. I can't anymore.
You think it's funny when I say I can't.
But what I mean is, I can't.
I can take you, physically.
Physically, I am numb to you now.
My heart still aches. 
My brain still aches. You make me ache in every way.
Please don't go.
Please don't go away.
Please don't go away again.
I want you gone.
I want you erased.
I want you.
I want you gone.

a lie about numbness

i have sunk into a slow numbness,
perhaps because something broke over me the second i saw you again.
i realized, it's better to be in full-blown sorrow
than in a fragile happiness,
forever staving off the blackness.

but instead, i have sunk into a slow numbness.
perhaps because you look away from me now
the exact same way that i look away from you.
your aversion gives me numbness

don't you see it?
that's all this ever was. 
a fear of the numbness. 
a fear of the pain.
your indifference gives me numbness
because who wants to feel it when the ripping apart begins.

i have cried to numbness.
i have raged to numbness.
i have laughed to numbness.
i have embraced the numbness.
i have dug myself into numbness
but you gave me the shovel.
you gave me the numbness.

and i feel absolutely fine. i feel nothing at all.

Scared of happiness/Happiness of being Scared

I'm scared
scared of things ending
scared of patterns breaking
scared of dreams broken
scared of words unspoken
scared of time going by
scared of a disappointed sigh
scared of a painful shove
scared of never finding love

But I'm also happy
happy about things ending
happy about patterns breaking
happy about dreams fulfilled
happy about silences killed
happy about times gone by
happy about nights ended on a high
happy about a friendly shove
happy about our one-time love

the darker sooner

Then came the darker sooner,

came the later lower.

We were no longer a sweeter-here

happily-ever-after. We were after ever.

We were farther and further.

More was the word we used for harder.

Lost was our standard-bearer.

Our gods were fallen faster,

and fallen larger.

The day was duller,
duller was disaster. 
Our charge was error.

Instead of leader we had louder,

instead of lover, never. 
And over this river

broke the winter’s black weather.